never ceases to amaze

hey, guys.

long time....i am getting bad about blogging. my most sincere apologies. -_-

i have been thinking about blogging a lot recently and just haven't made the time to do so. i am here now, and ready to write!

the title of this post tonight relates to my feelings about myself. in many ways really.

its like i am constantly battling with myself and for some unknown reason i can.not.stop
1. i battle with taking my meds.
2. i battle with being true to myself.
3. i battle with not spending money.
4. i just.fight.everything.   its.ridiculous.

i dont know how to stop this. why do i do this to myself?  i tell myself that i am not purposely forgetting my meds...but i think i subconsciously am. i know that i need them...that i am off my rocker without them....and still....mid-afternoon rolls around and i say, "oh shit! i didnt take my meds today." like seriously, jess, c'mon. get.with.the.program. i think i need a volunteer to remind me every morning to take the stupid things! i need to lose the pride and face the fact that without my medication, every ounce of my being is out of wack. mainly because my stupid thyroid controls everything.

my second battle related to many aspects of my life including, but not limited to, exercise, staying happy, keeping up with school work, telling myself positive, uplifting things, and only keeping around real friends. i tend to be nice to everyone. not that i want to be mean, but i am sick of the drama and the bullshit.  granted, i have more real friends now than i have ever had in my life, but there are still a few i could stand to eliminate (sorry, guys, no offense, just not my "people"). but the BIGGEST is staying healthy and happy.

going off on a tangent for a minute, i have decided that i need to go vegetarian, if only for a period of time.  research and personal stories have led me to believe that the source of my many ailments derives from eating meat and eating processed foods.  i was doing really well while david was deployed with the processed foods elimination. and i am not a big meat eater anyway so i was taking in much of that, either. but since david has been back, i have stopped all good eating habits and exercise. not that its his fault, its because i am busy loving my life with him. (even if that black cloud is lurking just behind, waiting to descend upon me and swallow me whole.) so i am on a mission to start working out again, stop eating processed food, and become a vegetarian.  should be interesting....

back to my original thought.....I SPEND TOO MUCH FUCKING MONEY!! ENTIRELY TOO MUCH!!!  i used to be the bitch telling david no to everything. now the roles have reversed. he is always telling me no. i have come to the conclusion that it is because i went so long without having money to spend that i am spending everything i have now that i make more money. not that my salary is spectacular because it definitely is far from it, but its enough to have spending money.  i need to get real. slap me in the face because i want to spend, spend, spend.  sadly, i finish paying bills with money we dont have and STILL want to spend money. its terrible.....on a better note i have put some of my spending to good use.  i have been buying things to donate to the women's shelter and i went through my closet and picked out gently used clothes i could also donate. so that makes me happier :)

i strongly believe in karma. she is a relentless bitch. i shall always act in her favor. as i get older i am figuring out how to expand on my good acts. not only will it come back to me but it also gives me instant gratification.

thats enough for now, i have officially talked(typed) you ear(eyes) off. i hope you all had a happy hanukkah, happy kwanzaa, merry christmas, merry winter solstice, etc, etc....and a happy new year! be kind to others and most importantly, be kind to yourself. <3

Meh. and other random happenings.

hello to my lovely readers! i am so exhausted from pretending that i am not sick i think this post will be short and sweet.

just to catch everyone up.

im back in school and it is going well. it takes up a lot of my time, though. i miss not being in school although i enjoy the intellectual challenge of it.

david and i have been quite busy perusing town and mingling with friends. my work holiday party, his, social events, 5Ks and the like. we are definitely more active than we used to be.

baby jax is growing up fast. i bought him an XS sweater at the pet store today and it is too tight on him. i think it would last until next week. so i have to return it for a different one.   my family farm is adjusting to him well. jax is slowly growing on them.

we went to a Yelp event today and the local distillery. it was a lot of fun. spent way too much money. on a positive note, it was all to support local businesses. and we got lots of free food samples and alcoholic drinks crafted with the deliciousness of the distillery. i shall post pictures of our event another time. we got a sweet hand-made painting on canvas of emobot.

finally, i have been fighting back this sickness for almost two weeks now. i figured, mind over matter, right? wrong. i am slowly succumbing to the germs brewing within me. its only a matter of time.  thankfully, i have just one more week before i get two paid weeks off work. one of the many perks of teaching :)

twinkle, twinkle, little star

i could seriously stare at the stars all night, every night. it is the most relaxing thing i can do when i am feeling emotionally unstable. or just because. i love looking up at the stars.

for as interesting as astronomy is to me, i know so little about it. i tend to think of questions when i am looking at the stars, then come inside and do my research on that particular question. i guess that is one way to learn.

my question tonight was, "why do some stars twinkle and others do not?"  tonight this was much more apparent to me than other nights.  so i did my research and this is what i found....

(for all you smarty pants out there who already know this, play along) some stars appear to twinkle because the turbulence in the atmosphere causes some of the light from the star to bend and some to travel to us directly.  So, some light gets to us directly, some gets bent on the way, and this makes the stars appear to twinkle.  additionally, i found out that stars closer to the horizon are the ones we see twinkle because there is more atmosphere between us and the star than us and the stars up ahead.  The stars up ahead appear as a steady light.

tonight i felt very fortunate for my short time outside.  the joys of raising a puppy led me to spend a few minutes outside tonight.  i was looking up in the sky, wondering about the twinkling stars near the horizon and the steady stars above me.  I just so happened to look straight up above my house and i caught a shooting star. it was absolutely amazing. what a sight. i just felt so thankful that i was able to experience that tonight.  it immediately diminished my frustrations of jax's potty training process.

the sky is so fascinating to me.  i have been asking for a telescope since this summer. one day i will get it.  the one i want is quite expensive. :/

i also know there is an astronomy club here in las vegas i would be interested in. i am just not ready to get active yet. i want to discover more on my own first.



on a separate note, i promise i am trying to be more active on my blog. i have just been enjoying life with my hubby, our kids, and our new kid, jax! i also started school again. and i am trying to become more active on yelp so i can become an elite. :)

samsam, soph, and jax laying with me in my awesome onsie <3

If people sat outside and looked at the stars each night, I'll bet they'd live a lot differently.

-Bill Watterson