*clears throat* WELCOME.

 I don't recall attempting to restart this blog last October but I see that I did. In reading it, I do remember writing about it. I suppose it was one of the times that I made an attempt and the idea was gone just as soon as it arrived. Like many ideas, inspirations, and responsibilities in my life this was another start up to waft away in the wind more quickly that it can formulate in my mind.

But alas, here I am. again. I'd like to utilize this platform not only as an escape from the confines of my endless internal dialogue but also to provide a sense of community and comradery surrounding experiences as a mother, entrepreneur, friend, daughter, and individual along my growth journey.

I know many who relate to my experiences and I find, more often now, that we are all seeking the relation to one another. We find reprieve in hearing that others understand our experiences and share the same thoughts, feelings, and reactions to situations in our daily lives. 

Today's topic of discussion is on the healing journey. 

In December 2021 I informed my administration that I would be resigning from my position as a classroom teacher in my school district. This decision did not come lightly. In fact, it arrived through grueling turmoil that destroyed my heart, soul, and mind for months. I knew in my heart that as difficult as it was to speak those words aloud, I was making this decision in the best interest of everyone-but especially for myself.

This felt like the first time I had truly advocated for myself in my life. I have spent my 35 years on this planet evolving into a people pleaser. Somewhere through my journey in life I learned to put everyone ahead of myself. After many negative experiences making others priority, my tattered bucket finally shattered. Not only had my well run dry, but the bucket I poured from plummeted to the bottom of the well, incapable of further servicing others-not even myself.

This. This was it. The final call. Like my previous post about connecting with my spiritual side, everything inside of me was screaming to run away. to hide. to escape the hell I unintentionally led myself into. to stop putting everyone else first. to be selfish for once. to make ME a priority. It was through my spiritual guidance I am where I am today. Allowing that selfish part of me to emerge granted me the grace I needed to begin healing. Through healing I create healthy boundaries where I can still be the support I need to be for others without letting my well run dry again. I am learning that I need my well to run for myself, too. The old adage about pouring from an empty cup is for yourself, too, in case you didn't know. Remember to take time for you.

Healthy boundaries may manifest in different ways for each person but some are needed across the board. In my life creating boundaries, prioritizing myself, and accepting that I need to put myself first looks like:

-managing the hours of work I put in each week

-leaving room in my schedule for activities I enjoy

-maintaining focus on my diet and sleep

-prioritizing my medical needs

-fostering meaningful relationships with loved ones

-saying NO. not jut out of necessity but because I DONT WANT TO.

-meditating

-creating and maintaining spiritual routine

-actively redirecting negative self talk into positive affirmations

-creating time to reflect on where I've come from, where I'm going, and making plans to achieve my goals in all aspects

The list goes on an on. It will look different for you. But please consider these and how they can inspire your personal actions of healing.

In this career shift I launched, I am learning  just how different struggles can be and just how much the mental piece plays a role in how we handle each struggle. Mental health is a key detail in healing and growth. I am learning what it means to really put my livelihood on the line. I have no job security. no back up plan. no nest egg. I looked at the ledge teaching put me on and I jumped. I jumped with all my might, and hands to the sky, begged the universe to help me land on my feet-or at least don't kill me on landing.  But in this self chosen free fall I also have the opportunity to learn that the stress of this unknown is not as extreme as the stress of the job requirements I had in the classroom-or at least it doesn't feel as daunting. I am learning that struggles can sound worse but feel better. I am happy to have the experience I do now. I am excited to allow the wind raise me back up to where I jumped from. On landing I am trekking up the mountain. Ever evolving into my highest self. This adrenaline-filled free fall has rises and falls but it helps me pick up strategies to take care of me AND my loved ones.

2022 is teaching me balance, boundaries, and the beauty of self love. I may still have my phases of darkness. I may still have days of doubt. I definitely have a lot to learn. But I wake up every day a brand new version of me and I have never been happier for this path I am walking down.

Honestly, I could go on forever on this topic. I have become quite passionate about healing yourself from the inner child to who you are today. If you take nothing else away from my rambling please remember this: You can quit something without quitting on yourself. You have to give yourself oxygen before you give anyone else oxygen. I promise, with dedication to healing you will find happiness and balance in your life. Find what works for you and give yourself grace on those cloudy days.

                                        What are some ways you advocate for yourself?

The Angels that Reside with Me

 It's about time I restart this blog of mine. Once upon a time, I'd like to think I was a semi-decent writer. Over the years my ability to write and my dedication to the art diminished. I find this activity a healthy way to outlet my over-emotional thoughts, so here I am to give it another go in attempts to regain a piece of my tranquility.

Speaking of being overly emotional, let's get to the point of this restart. According to my life path in numerology, I am a freedom seeker, I look for change, and I am a spiritualist.

This all seems fairly accurate for me.

As we have just entered Scorpio season, the energies have also changed and greatly affected how I am feeling. Now is the time to ignite change, passion, intuition, and emotions. 

It is no secret to anyone that spends any amount of time with me that my mental health has taken a toll more so than ever and I am grasping straws to regain myself. More so recently, my emotions have really taken over.

This change rising from the sun entering Scorpio has really started me on an emotional rollercoaster and the amount of stress in my life that I usually do well at burying I just cant seem to choke down. If you see me just know that there is a slim chance that I am actually "me" and I am likely disassociating because that's how I'm getting by right now. Also know, I have gotten really good at masking so please take me for what I am or leave me be.

Back on point, this energy shift has brought my spirits back in with me closely. My intuition and connection to the spirit realm is flooding through these newly opened Scorpio gates.

I keep having weird visions in my peripheral, the lights in my house have been flickering again when they previously stopped for quite a while, and I am completely exhausted. Beyond drained. I can't focus and I feel like I keep tilting in and out of manic cleaning energy and complete task paralysis. 

Yesterday I couldn't wait to get to bed. In fact, I was in bed by 8:30 p.m. Anyone who knows me knows Im barely settling down by that time most nights. I woke up exhausted still today. For several days my body has ached more than usual and today was one of the worst for my mobility.

These last few days I can't shake the feeling that my spirits are talking to me. No, screaming at me. I just can't hear it. I can feel them loud and clear but I am so cluttered and self absorbed I cannot process the message. So, per usual, I turned to the cards.

I am never disappointed in my messages. My spirits never cease to amaze me with their wisdom and sometimes outright blunt advice. Often times I feel their connection leading me long before I reach out and receive the message.

Tonight I even thought about not reading the message because, again, I feel downright exhausted. I couldn't shake the feeling that I had to make it a priority. I had to make me a priority. Even the dog seemed to be nudging me to take care of my needs for once. 

I completed my routine and began to connect with my all knowing guides. This has to be one of the most connected readings I have ever felt.

As I spread the cards I felt physical connection pulling me to the cards in my spread. Some cards felt cold and others warm. The warmest ones pulled me in. This was a game of hot and cold. Within the warm ones that intuitive pull helped me gather my 5.

Once I had the spread I immediately felt intense emotion leading to tears. It was a very emotional message. Each card had me scoffing in disbelief as it pinpointed my exact issue, the challenge, the solution, my hidden, and of course the outcome.

What I will share is that with each card the dog came and sat with me, calmer than he has been all day. The outcome was death, in reverse. SO....there's that. It was an intense message but one that needed to be heard.

I felt wound up for a bit after, physically had my response, then felt better. Now I feel slightly more level headed. I have a plan to make a plan this weekend. What else is new?

I have this pup on my lap providing his active duty emotional support and I am finishing up the sad, sad ending to Shameless. 

Now that I have had my emotional purge for the evening, off I go to find my rest. Plan to hear more from me. Follow along or pass it by, eh.

Reinvention or continuance

Here I am, more than a year since my last post. Looking back on my previous posts really brings to light just how much my mind has deteriorated. Depression, thyroid, child rearing, completion of school? Perhaps a combination of some or all of these. i am almost mourning for the loss of my writing abilities and quirkiness. it makes me miss myself that much more.

so, since its been so long, it might be rough start. bare with me please as i remember to take this time for myself and as i remember how to compose. and spell for that matter. and remember how to be computer literate.

i have too much and nothing on my mind. it might be a whirlwind of letters to the internet if i can allow myself this time to compose my feelings. im a mother now. a stay at home mother at that. who would have thought? it was always my dream but the reality is so far from what i ever dreamed as a child.

should i reinvent this blog and make it about my journey as a mother? should i leave it like it is? i surely cant delete the delicate gold i once wrote. for now i perked up the place. a small disguise for those that know me. it makes me smile though. i know much of what i will write will revolve around la princesa. i cant have her beautiful soul mingling with the once dim blog that this was. so heres to happy. heres to my baby making me the best version of myself i can be as a mommy.