Zepeda for President

just a quick note as i am trying to unwind.  i dont really get in to politic stuff.  i see it like this: youre fucked either way.  no matter who you vote for, you will not agree with them 100%.  but i have taken a slight interest in this election....blame it on age.

i came across this webpage during my brief search on this election's candidates and i thought i should share.  for anyone who is not into politics (like me) this could be a helpful place to start your learning process.

my results yielded highest to johnson.  i agreed least with romney and second least with obama.  what are your thoughts?

david always calls me a treehugger.  the other night my friend called me a hippie, and another friend agreed.  what can i say.....

make love, not war ;)

sappy, serious, satirical

so i had this plan, earlier today, for what i wanted to talk about on my blog today. well, its out the window. must not have been important.

SAPPY

i do, however, want to talk about what this blog has done for me. i was very hesitant to begin this blog. as i have written before, i have difficulty accepting that i have depression; that this is something that isnt going to just go away, that i have to have a strict regimen to maintain a healthy mentality, and that i have to really fight to push it underground. my first step to acceptance was beginning this blog. i know that a lot of my posts are rather depressing, but thats why i started this. i hope my loved ones read this but even if they dont, this is my outlet, my therapy, my way of releasing these emotions and pushing forward to a brighter day. i cant even express how relieving it is for me to write in this blog. with that being said, i have gotten more out of this blog now than i ever imagined.  it is so difficult for me to open up to people and admit to them that i suffer from depression. i feel like its a disability. a handicap. a reason to look at me differently. contrary to my suspicions i have had many people come forward and express their support, understanding, and even confide in me their own battles with depression. i am so grateful and happy and honored and feeling loved that you all have come to me. it really makes me feel better, makes me feel like there is actually someone else out there in the big universe that understands what i go through on a daily basis. and just so, so relieved that even if you dont undersand this mental disability that you are there to support me. THANK YOU. it really means a lot to me, more than you will ever know.

SERIOUS

so i have, for awhile now, been very interested in the innerworkings of religion. i am not necessarily a religious person. i honestly dont know what i do and do not believe. this is because i do not have a lot of knowledge on religion. i am very intrigued by it, though, and i want to learn about all the different religions. i also think part of the problem is i am a scientific, logical person. i take some things literally, yet feel like i want to find a religion that fits my strange beliefs on how this world works. i have a few questions and i am interested to see what you all think.  with that being said, i will not tolerate and condescending or negative comments, arguments, or anything of that nature. this is solely for my own learning. if you say one thing that i feel is uncalled for or inappropriate you will immediately be deleted from my social networking. so here are my questions:

what or who is God? a physical being? a spirit? an energy? i dont understand how that all works. it doesnt make sense to me.

is heaven a physical space in the sky? is it a mental state? what or where is heaven? what is in heaven? and what about hell?

how does science and religion mesh? for instance, dinosaurs? i actually got a really interesting response from one religious person so i curious to see what you all think.

any other input is welcome, provided that it is informative and friendly.

in light of this science vs. religion topic i want to share a quote from charles darwin......

SATIRICAL

is it ironic that a mercedes has a license plate cover that says poverty sucks?

apparently, we should vote for mitt romney because mitt rhymes with tit and trisha paytas has two of those. also because he is handsome and we havent had a handsome president since kennedy.....and we all know how that ended.

so this dogshaming thing is so funny to me. i just had to get in on it. check out sam and sophie.

with this i will conclude my rant for the night. enjoy :)

 

my favorite delicacies include
cat poop and used tampons-YUM!

i like to steal the cat's food when
mom isn't looking so she will wonder
 why the cat is always crying for food.

when it rains it pours

My blog background couldn't be any more suiting to my mood today.  Its strange, really, how quickly things change for me.  I am still in the process of recognizing my depression as a disease that is not going to fade away. Its hard for me to admit that on days like today, depression wins.  I am drowning in negative thoughts and feelings of hopelessness.

It really started last week when i received some unwelcome news.  I tried to push past, determined to keep my chin up. Well that news has come back to haunt me, push me to my limits, and make me feel the full effect of suffering the last days before david is home.

All the emotion i am dealing with is surrounding my situation with my grad program, financial aid and student loans, and my making mistakes and procrastinating.  I am trying my hardest to take each blow in stride but i am quickly wearing out.  I am but a feeble girl crawling, each blow delivering another lethal shot.  I am fed up with school, fed up with my lack of motivation. I know that i should be able to conquer this, that i should stay positive, seek help from my support system, and carry on.  At this point, i dont believe i have gathered the energy and strength to fight this battle; i am still a step behind trying to acknowledge that this isnt a choice. I am stuck with this mental illness. It just.....sucks. It all just sucks.

All my readers who are all so fortunate to not understand this, i envy you. You are so lucky to be in good mental health.  I want to thank you for supporting me even though you may not understand how i feel or find reason in my thoughts. Thanks to everyone, i am so grateful to have you in my life.

And i promise kim and rachel, i will respond to the questions i posed to you. I just havent done it yet. I needed to release this Negative energy first. Crying all day at work is no fun. Especially when someone finally realizes something is wrong. :/

Tomorrow will bring better times....i hope. ;)