snowballing and whatnot

i would first like to offer my most sincere apologies if at any point in this post i don't make sense.

but seriously, in all seriousness, i really am sorry if i dont make sense.

i am snowballing 

this completely and utterly sucks. i have to wait until wednesday to see a doctor about refilling my medication. i have been out one particularly necessary medication for a week now and it is taking an extreme effect on me. it started with the usual feeling blue, yada yada. it has since escalated to full blown hysteria, confusion, light headedness, nausea, and severe mood swings among other things.

you would think that i would be getting better since i am over the deployment hump but i have somehow managed to regress. this totally sucks. i think i am incapable of living without my hubby, or as the spouses say, DH.  if you dont know it, google it.

i am sorry for my blunt rudeness. it is simply how i feel.  i had so much i wanted to say in this post and i have lost all those thoughts.

basically, my weekend was a whirlwind, a roller coaster of emotions. i got to spend some quality time with the ever handsome Davyn. i had a weird and depressing saturday night and sunday and monday. even though all of these days had their bright moments.

its funny, ya know, how i can see both sides of everything and still feel the way i feel. 

depression is a bitch, dude.

i am grateful for all of the positive things in my life. even if i dont appear to appreciate it. i promise this will change. hang in there with me, please.

enough of the :( stuff.....i want to share one funny thing before i take an early night.

there is a first time for everything. i went to the movies on sunday. i saw savages. which for some reason i thought was a comedy, like pineapple express...dont ask me where i got this idea, just know its completely wrong.  i had the typical popcorn to go with the movie, right. so im watching it, i totally know this guy is gonna fire off a round, im waiting for it, waiting for it.................BAM!! it scares the shit outta me. i literally had one of those moments where i jumped so hard popcorn went flying everywhere. i felt like a total jackass. even more so because i was laughing so hard at myself i must has disrupted the movie. it was......a unique moment.

“Can you understand? Someone, somewhere, 

can you understand me a little, love me a little? 

For all my despair, for all my ideals, for all that - I love life. 

But it is hard, and I have so much - so very much to learn.”

-Sylvia Plath

“And when at last you find someone to whom 

you feel you can pour out your soul, you stop in 

shock at the words you utter—

 they are so rusty, so ugly, so meaningless and feeble 

from being kept in the small cramped dark inside you so long.” 

-Sylvia Plath